You’re DJing your midnight to 2 AM show on the Internet-only radio stream and, all of a sudden, nature calls.
What else is there to do than to put on a song (or two) on that’s absolutely long enough to get to the bathroom and back? In your panic, you scramble to the CD library, looking for the longest song you can find…
Let me be of assistance:
1. “Stability” by Death Cab for Cutie — 12:22
This swelling composition is dripping with complacency and a touch of angst. It was cooler approximately eight years ago, but such things do not matter when you’re in need of a bathroom break.
2. “All Delighted People (Original Version)” by Sufjan Stevens — 11:38
This orchestral masterpiece was released just before Sufjan embraced his crazy head-on with the LP Age of Adz. The result: an epic composition that opens, opens, opens, while just barely grasping at the beats and digitization looming in the composer’s future. While your listeners ears are exposed to one of the greatest (and longest) songs of 2010, you can relieve yourself.
3. “Bunker or Basement” by Fionn Regan — 10:52
This sweet Irish folk crooner is a perfect fit for fans of Damien Rice and Alexi Murdoch. Since this song clocks in at nearly eleven minutes, you may even have enough time to go buy refreshments before making your way back to the studio!
4. “Oceans/Field Dance” by Olivia Rose Muzzy — 9:29
University of Iowa alum Olivia Rose Muzzy’s transcendental upright bass playing, paired with her deep, Bulgarian vocals, will lure even the toughest of listeners into a relaxed, trance-like state. Play this track, and your listeners will never even notice you left!
5. “The Mariner” by The Decemberists — 8:48
Regardless of whether or not bobbing accordions and nautical themes fit in with the playlist you had going, this nine-minute ballad will give you plenty of time to take care of business.
6. “Oh Comely” by Neutral Milk Hotel — 8:18
Jeff Magnum’s glimmering magnum opus will leave your listeners more than appeased and give you time enough to adequately empty your bladder.
7. “Take Your Time (Coming Home)” by Fun. — 7:51
Freddie Mercury meets the Beach Boys with a slice of super-modern pop instrumentation. The vocal gymnastics lead singer (and Iowa City native) Nate Ruess performs deserve a solid 10.0. Listeners won’t mind you taking a break when you give them this gem as a parting gift.